Stupid questions….
Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006I was reading “Stranger Than Fiction: True Stories” by Chuck Palahniuk, and one had a series of questions by Juliette Lewes described as being “more telling about me than anything I could write in a diary”. There are no answers to these questions in the book so I figured I’d answer them. This will be the first and last time I consciously write something so stupid.
“Did you ever stab someone or cut them intentionally with a sharp object?”
No.
“Do you like asparagus?”
No!
“Do you have a middle name?”
Yes, it’s my father’s first name.
“Do cats frustrate you as pets, or do you admire their independence?”
Both.
“Did you ever break a guy’s nose?”
No.
“Would you say you won more fights than you’ve lost?”
Fighting is losing.
“Was there a time when you were mystified by the workings of your penis?”
I still am, and I hope it keeps working.
“Do you look more like your mother or father?”
Stupid question.
“Did you date an older woman that you’d consider an older woman, and what did she teach you?”
No.
“What’s the first image you have of the female body?”
I don’t want to talk about it.
“Does the respect factor drop when a woman has breast implants?”
Only if my respect for her was already going downhill.
“Did you go to sleep-away summer camp?”
No.
“Do you like roller coasters?”
No!
“What do you imagine happens to someone after the body dies? And do you believe that you are a spirit with a
body or just a brain?”
You’re body decomposes. wtf is a spirit?
“How do you explain Mozart writing symphonies at seven? (Because I think that’s a prime example of creative
ability being spirit-generated.)”
It’s different Mozart wasn’t a human.
“Did the female anatomy ever mystify and scare you? (because it did me, and I’m the owner.)”
Yes, it still does.
“Have you ever been caught in a natural disaster?”
Yes, it’s was called Earth.
“Did you ever own Birkenstocks?”
Absolutely not.
“What was your favorite expression growing up? Or what was it closer to: ”
That’s so fresh.
THat’s so bitchin’.
THat’s so wicked.
That’s so rad. -> childhood favorite
Or, that’s so hot. -> current favorite
“Did you ever fall in love with an animal in a way where you wished you could talk like human friends?”
Yes, I wish I could relate to some of my human friends like I did with that animal.
“Do you feel that we are all potentially Christlike?”
Yes, it if we where actually “Christlike” it would be hell.
“Do you have hope for humanity? And if not, how can you honestly keep on going in the face of that hopelessness?”
No, I don’t live my life for humanity.